Dating, Reality TV, The Bachelor

#BachelorNation: A Perplexing Pick for ABC’s The Bachelor

**Be forewarned there are spoilers ahead. If you do not wish to know who was selected as the next Bachelor on ABC’s eponymous program, save this post for another day.

When E! leaked deets about the upcoming season of The Bachelor a few weeks ago, ABC’s choices for the title role were: Joe Amabile, Colton Underwood, Jason Tartick, and Blake Horstmann.

If Reality Steve is as right as he is usually proven to be, we’re getting Colton, AKA “the 26 year old virgin.” He was rejected by Becca Kufrin on last season’s The Bachelorette.

“Bachelor Nation” has not been reacting well to this news. Colton seems (to many) young and unready for marriage. During Becca’s season, Tia Booth admitted to still having feelings for him as the two had briefly dated before he came on the show to vie for Becca’s affection and final rose.

Subsequently, Colton and Tia reconnected on Bachelor In Paradise and it took an abundance of tears and turmoil before he made her his “girlfriend” (for about a week).

Previews for tonight’s episode indicate that this “relationship” goes to hell in a hand-basket as Colton is plagued by doubts about Tia being “the one”.

So now, this confused and (perhaps) commitment-phobic young man has agreed to choose a wife on national television, with producers present to egg him on and encourage…er, enforce… overtures? (Read the book Bachelor Nation by Amy Kaufman to get more insight into the process.)

Colton is a perplexing production pick when banker Jason Tartick, from Becca’s season seemed to be the ideal candidate. Wealthy, established, handsome, considerate and from an admirably loving family, Jason was a contender who didn’t even make it to the final two to amass his impressive social media following.

He seemed mature, “ready to settle down” and – well, let’s face it because we’re comparing him to a virgin – more equipped to handle the requisite Fantasy Suite at the end of the journey.

Then again, I hail from a religious community where many a young virgin with limited relationship experience has jumped right in to marriage, grabbed a life vest, realized they were fine without it and made it.

Who is to say Colton won’t find his ideal life partner through the magical matchmaking process of selective casting?

With this franchise and the few solid relationships that have resulted from it, you just never know.

Share your thoughts on Colton as the next Bachelor in the comments.

(Photo Source: Entertainment Tonight)

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#RHONY, Bravo TV, Dating, Psychology, Reality TV

#RHONY: Is There a Shortage of Men in Manhattan?!

Two decades ago, when I was a single woman living and dating in NYC, it seemed like every guy of “average” level looks, intelligence and personality had 9 incredible women in hot pursuit of him.

I was in a certain, very niche- specific dating scene because of my religious background, and once I expanded my social circles, this 9 to 1 ratio of eligible single ladies to eligible single men no longer seemed to be as much of a thing. However, I did notice that “normal” men seemed harder to find than outstanding women, and while the male population of NYC is currently at 47.38 percent versus the 52.62 percent of females (a disparity that doesn’t seem outrageous and was quite similar twenty years ago), a good man is hard to find.

It takes only a five minute conversation with a NYC single gal today to gauge this problem, while a man always seems to have more dating prospects on the horizon.

I suspect this was particularly prescient to me due to my former religious circles wherein matchmakers pounce upon a widowed man because of the devotion he had to his wife and noted past ability to commit. I realize this sounds awfully vulture-like to the reader, but it’s so hard for a religious Jewish woman to find a man who is self-assured, charismatic and committed. Matchmakers are fully aware of this. There just happen to be more marriage-minded women than men in major metropolitan cities.

This brings us to the ladies of Real Housewives of New York. They’re not in the Jewish dating scene, but are in a niche specific one of their own. It is one where men of a certain middle aged and above cohort are acclimating still to the idea of a highly successful, independent and self-sufficient, affluent woman (though some of these ladies are more modern and self sufficient than others are). The majority of these men have been indoctrinated with the notion of man as provider and, despite protest, many do feel threatened by a women of means who could be the provider herself. RHONY fans often ask “why are these woman always dating the same loser, or arguing over the same man who doesn’t seem so spectacular?”

I mention my “9 to 1” theory to Rori Sassoon, Founder of NYC matchmaking service Platinum Poire. Rori hosted the speed dating event that we recently saw on RHONY. It was where all the ladies seemed interested in the red scarf adorned Brian Krauss. “Aren’t there more men for these women to date?” viewers asked.

Rori agrees that the rationale I developed from my dating days is not off at all and adds: “It is unfortunately still the same. It’s also much harder for women because the man is the one who is doing the pursuing. I also find that if a man wants to be in a relationship, he can make that happen a lot more quickly than a woman can. Because of that, a lot of women do not choose their partner, they are chosen, which can lead to a relationship with an expiration date.”

If all of this sounds terribly antiquated in today’s 2018 culture of #MeToo, #TimesUp, Feminism and shifts from heteronormative stereotypes, we have not progressed as much as you naively thought. A certain level of traditional thinking still abounds amidst the modernity of NYC, especially when it comes to the Gen X and Boomer contingents.

For every Tom, Harry and Brian, there is a group of women hovering in the wings, trying to catch a glimpse of an extinct breed: a seemingly Ok male specimen. Due to the depressing rarity of this find, the bar is not set especially high, and disappointment in NYC dating can seem as inevitable as a streetlight on every corner.

Thinking outside of the box and beyond the city limits is a strategy some of these Housewives have employed because the pickings are slim. It is why so much is not taboo and hiring a matchmaker is not something to be shunned. It’s also why you shouldn’t be ashamed if it suddenly dawns on you that your uncle in Schenectady would be the perfect match for Ramona Singer. Hey, you never know. Vet it through Rori. Crazier things have happened in this world than Ramona becoming your aunt.

Hear Rori Sassoon discuss the RHONY speed dating event and trying to match up the ladies of the cast on the Pink Shade with Erin Martin podcast.

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