Bravo TV, Reality TV

#RHOBH recap: The Punishment Fits the Whine (And That Glass isn’t for THAT Wine!), Ep. 812

This week’s episode of “The Real Filler Scenes of Beverly Hills” was actually titled “Gag gift.” However, I decided to opt for something different above. What I wrote is a tribute to Dorit’s complaints about LVP’s treatment of her. Dorit believes in an excess of everything except moderation, as her tagline states, so it’s unsurprising that she ends up overdoing it in her efforts to get back in LVP’s good graces. But first we begin with Camille Grammer. Yes, again. Camille is not technically a “Housewife” this season because she again has been billed as a “friend of.” However, this is the second episode in a row to start with a scene featuring the formerly “most hated Housewife” and now beloved cast member. She might as well get to hold a diamond next to the other ladies.

We learn that Camille hasn’t been feeling too stellar about her body post cancer. She underwent a hysterectomy, has experienced other physical changes due to the treatment and although she looks enviably terrific, she just isn’t feeling it.

So Lisa Rinna takes Camille to a lingerie boutique and the two prance around in provocative and very uncomfortable looking garments only designed to entice before being tossed across the bedroom. Camille ends up spending over $1300, excited to show the loot to her new beau. These women do not have an ounce of cellulite and nothing jiggles. It’s very disconcerting to say the least, but I truly am happy and teary watching Camille who has not only survived cancer, but seems to have survived (or bypassed) the metabolic struggle that strikes women over the age of 44. She looks beautiful and it feels well-deserved.

We go to the restaurant Fig & Olive where Kyle is meeting up with Erika. Kyle has just gotten some positive press for the show she’s developed, Glass Houses, and Erika compliments her on the achievement. She fills Kyle in on her husband Tom’s condition following his car accident. He’s undergoing Physical Therapy and getting out there to do some legal speaking opportunities. They then segue as they always do so well to a completely unrelated subject, LVP’s upcoming birthday. Should they get her a pet flamingo? She could use something of that ilk for her ever-expanding house-zoo it seems.

And just like that, it’s “’Bubba??’…’Yes, Bubba’” time as we make our way over to La Casa Kemsley. The house may or may not actually belong to the couple. There we see that Dorit and PK have inanely stolen Tom Schwartz (of Vanderpump Rules) and Katie Maloney’s sole term of endearment for one another. And it turns out that while Dorit was away, PK decided to play….with her swimsuit business that is. He decided that the Hebrew name “Navah” was a crap one for the line. So it is now called “Beverly Beach.” There’s actually no such place as Beverly Beach, but in PK’s fantasies it’s their romantic getaway destination and therefore a proper (read the word “proper” in an English accent) name for a swimsuit company. PK has also concluded that the line should be more affordable to all and not so exclusive.

Should we expect to see a “Beverly Beach” line for Target? Well, I’m calling it right now. Keep an eye and ear out for an announcement in a few short months.

This was quite the Joe Gorga maneuver on PK’s part. If you watch Real Housewives of New Jersey, then you know that Joe bought a pizzeria without first consulting Melissa and filling her in on all the details…Including the fact that he wanted her to be working there! Well, in this case PK was just supposed to be a substitute and not entirely change his wife’s business, but now….”Name Change” (as the ole Danielle Staub quote famously goes). Dorit rolls her eyes and this is not the way she wanted it to go, but she is rolling with it (she ended up keeping the name PK chose) and prepping herself mentally for LVP’s birthday party. That quickly becomes the topic of this couple’s conversation. Dorit is trying to figure out how she’ll be able to kiss up to the RHOBH matriarch. LVP hasn’t been entirely pleased with Dorit and she can certainly hold a grudge. We see that from the snarky LVP barbs aimed at Dorit that are up ahead.

At Camille’s house, she is getting ready to host the ladies. Fragrances will be sold to benefit the Foundation for Women’s cancer. While the event begins with the noble cause of raising funds for charity, it quickly devolves into cattiness and minor chaos. Dorit expresses her displeasure with Teddi for relaying the events of arguments to Kyle who then passed the details along to LVP. It’s interesting to see how Dorit is now confiding in and venting to her former nemesis Erika Jayne. The two have forged some type of bond, while Erika certainly sleeps with one eye open these days.

Teddi now has to endure all of Dorit’s excessive harping as Lisa, always on the hunt for pretty young things to protectively take under her wing, sticks up for Teddi. Dorit actually straddles LVP on a couch begging for her undying friendship and professing her love to epic proportions. She needs to make everything right RIGHT NOW and LVP sees how terribly juvenile this is. Does Dorit realize she is not a cast member on Vanderpump Rules? All of Dorit’s asinine antics seem like overkill to LVP. She desperately plots her escape from this party, but still has to see Dorit soon at her birthday celebration.

It is at that event  (planned by “she she she” fat-shaming Kevin Lee) where LVP has some serious shenanigans in store for her younger friend – or should we say “frenemy” now?

While Dorit was able to dish it out all last season to Erika during the insufferably lengthy “Pantygate” debacle, she is unable to take it. First Lisa hands her champagne in an atrocious green cup and we know how particular Dorit is about her drinking glasses, but then Camille hands her a gift from the lingerie shop, a ball gag device of some sort (pardon me for my unfamiliarity. It can be argued that I need to spice it up in my own bedroom).

The gift is a clear dig at Dorit for her “strap on” comment about Camille at an earlier dinner.  Camille makes that known to both Dorit and PK. Erika has a good laugh in her testimonial about how Dorit should really be able to take this entirely as a joke because of what she subjected Erika to last season, even gifting Erika a pair panties (I positively loathe the word “panties,” for the record.)

As LVP is opening all her gifts, it’s clear that Teddi’s furry pink bare back pad for horse riding is the favorite. I was actually quite impressed by how clever this pick was! It’s also clear that Teddi – who Lisa refers to as “Teddi Bear”- is the new favorite. Dorit doesn’t seem too thrilled about this in light of Lisa’s ongoing digs sent her way.  Even PK seems a bit jealous when he says to Teddi: “You’re ‘Teddi Bear’ now but can be ‘Teddi Bitch’ in a nanosecond.” In all fairness, that IS how Housewives works and Teddi’s clever and quick response shows that she knows it too. I do believe PK is acting petty on his wife’s behalf.

The birthday lunch is awkward overall and Dorit decides she has had enough celebrating for one evening. It is high time for her to vamoose.

In the final scene, Lisa enters a photo shoot for her jewelry line that will appear in Beverly Hills Lifestyle Magazine. She assess the model sprawled on a couch and expresses how impressed she is. That’s when we discover that Dorit’s prior shoot with the same magazine was all for naught. Dorit was not pleased with how her pictures turned out and she made a stink, so the editor decided to put the kibosh on the project.

I couldn’t help but feel a smidgen of sympathy (just that minute amount before you rush to judgement) for Dorit here. I’ve had pictures of myself that I wasn’t pleased with. What do you do if you greatly dislike and feel self-conscious about your own photos? For me, it entailed years of begging my mother to take those childhood photos off the walls of my parents’ home. I hope she didn’t view me as a “diva” the way people regard Dorit. But readers, she did remove those atrocious photos and replaced them with more flattering ones.

 NEXT UP…

It will be interesting to see if LVP warms up to Dorit and goes easier on her in next week’s episode, or if she continues to take jabs and the tension and madness escalates. I heard before this season began airing that Erika and Teddi were not getting along at all and it seems from the previews that we’ll be getting insight into that “story-line” as well. My only hope is that the story-lines are a bit more fine tuned so that they seem authentic and not like filler scenes. The only thing we can do is tune in and see…

…which is how Bravo gets you hooked on vapid reality television!

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Bravo TV, Reality TV

#RHOBH Recap: Thank You, Thuck You (Episode 811)

Bethenny and Kyle.png

Better late than never? Well, this time. I decided that I wanted to write a recap of the last episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills in an effort to figure out exactly what is happening. Brian Moylan of Vulture.com affectionately calls the show “Rich Women Doing Things” because in many ways it seems to be a show about nothing except that. But, let’s explore by breaking the latest episode down….

One  of the few great things to come out of Camille Grammer’s relationship with Kelsey (aside from alimony and becoming one of our favorite things about RHOBH after being ignored by her ex in her inaugural season) is daughter Mason. The episode begins with Mason walking the runway in a NYC fashion show and I’m baffled by the fact that Camille is not a “Housewife” this season rather than a “friend of.” We’re getting a lot of Camille and in her incredibly monotone and reserved manner, she is offending no one. In other scenes, we see that she is clearly wary of Dorit and Dorit’s big mouth. In this episode however, she is focused on her modelesque offspring who does a fantastic job making her way down the catwalk in a 20 pound dress. That is talent.

Mason looks a lot like Kelsey, but not in an unfortunate way. She’s much prettier and has an Elle/Dakota Fanning thing going on.

Right before the fashion show, the ladies pile into a van and no one is speaking. The tension is so thick because of the ridiculous arguments the ladies engaged in during last week’s episode. Lisa Rinna is visibly THRILLED that this drama has nothing to do with her for once and it has strictly been between Kyle, Dorit and Lisa Vanderpump. She was tipsy from alcohol the night before and is still unclear what all the arguing was about (as are we!). She’s desperate to get the low down, but struggles to keep herself in check.

…That is, until she joins Kyle while the latter is getting faux bobbed by Julius Michael and face primed by Priscilla Distasio. The hairdresser and the makeup artist are a duo that are frequently requested by Bravolebrities before Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen. This is a little like Breaking the 4th Beauty Parlor Wall. They have both worked on Rinna, LVP and Kyle Richards in the past.  They can also be credited with many of the Vanderpump Rules and Real Housewives of New Jersey looks. And yes, you have in fact seen Priscilla on RHONJ as Teresa’s makeup artist teasing Milania about her hyperactivity level. It’s nice to see this team getting some well-deserved PR by appearing in this episode (as well as the last one) of RHOBH. Rinna leans over to eat up all the gossip Kyle has to share. She’s just missing a box of popcorn in hand.

Next we see Dorit trying to smooth things over with LVP while she sports a red leather mini to showcase significant thigh gap and a blood sucker shirt to signify she’s a victim of some sort. It’s clear to me that these ladies don’t eat and they exercise at least twice per day. It’s unrealistic to be that skinny over the age of 40…..if you actually ingest calories.  Dorit tries to get back in LVP’s good graces, but then the older woman drops a bombshell: Her friendship with Dorit is important because she prides her relationship with PK over it all. Really? PK?! Well, yes. Apparently they go way back and have a circle of British chums in common.

Speaking of British, the most interesting thing about this episode was that when Bethenny Frankel is at an event held at Kyle’s NYC store, Kyle by Alene Too, she acts as if she thinks Dorit is British rather than from Connecticut. Should we believe that Bethenny has such limited knowledge and doesn’t actually watch RHOBH? Fast forward to a WWHL episode and Bethenny concedes she doesn’t watch the show, but had met Dorit with her husband PK and 80s icon Boy George and assumed the entire party was English. But Back at Kyle by Alene Too, Lisa Vanderpump thinks Bethenny is full of shit. The latter butts into the ridiculous arguments the ladies are having and points out LVP’s inability to apologize. LVP is so focused on the fact that she can stand up for herself against RHONY Queen Bee Bethenny that she is not issuing any apologies. She leaves the boutique with her pride intact and a faux fur red coat that Dorit feels would suit her better since it matches her bright red lipstick.

While Bethenny’s strategy for talking sense into LVP has been largely ineffective, the reasonable (too much so for a castmate of this show) Accountability Coach Teddi visits Lisa at her home once the ladies are back in Beverly Hills. Somehow, Teddi is able to get through to LVP about the fact that Dorit spews a lot of nonsense and gets off the hook while Kyle becomes the casualty in the process. LVP agrees to sit down with Kyle and finally listen to her and provide her with some acknowledgement.

Kyle and Lisa then meet for dinner. When faced with the question of whether Lisa favors Dorit and therefore gives her a pass, Lisa explains that she’s harder on Kyle because they’ve known each other longer and have more history together. It really seems as if LVP is scrambling to figure out the social dynamics and how to express her loyalties. She also reiterates that she has too much invested and “at stake” with her longterm relationship with PK. I’ve decided that this season is most definitely titled “The Real Filler Scenes of Beverly Hills” because it seems like they’re arguing about a whole lot of nothing. At least, nothing that LVP wants to be arguing about. She is as baffled as we are. Nevertheless, she gives Kyle the most contrite apology she can possibly muster.

Next Episode: Rinna and Camille prance around in lingerie with nary a tad of cellulite, but don’t expect them to share diet tips. Dorit straddles LVP in an effort to have a conversation. Camille throws Dorit shade…and finally, LVP does the same causing Dorit to storm out of a dinner party.

 

 

 

 

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Bravo TV, Reality TV

#PumpRules Ariana Madix on Anxiety, Faith’s Crush on Lala and Drama This Season (AllAboutTRH.com)

ariana madix

Vanderump Rules’ star Ariana Madix dropped by the studio of podcast host Danny Pellegrino and did not disappoint. She told the Everything Iconic host that she and former nemesis Kristen Doute are on good terms and provided some other behind-the-scenes revelations.

With regard to opening up about her body insecurities on camera recently, she said that producers had been discussing the possibility of filming her in therapy for the past three seasons. She felt that now the timing was right to finally address these insecurities. “It’s something my close friends all know about. Those struggles have always been there. I got to a point where Tom and I were going through these issues and I knew that people didn’t know the backstory behind any of it. They thought ‘she’s not into him’. I thought that instead of there being all this speculation, I would come out and say what’s going on.”

To read more of this interview, see the full article at http://www.allabouttrh.com/2018/02/26/vanderpump-rules-ariana-madix-anxiety-faiths-crush-lala-drama-season/.

 

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