#RHONJ: An Interview with Frank Catania Sr.

Last season, it was Real Housewives of New Jersey (RHONJ) newbie Margaret Josephs who tweeted that Frank Catania, Dolores’s ex-husband, was the “voice of reason” on the Bravo show. Many RHONJ fans agreed with this sentiment. Just like his name, he is frank, quick to get to the point, and gives a solid, confident opinion with no-nonsense advice.

Now in Season 9, we have just witnessed Teresa Giudice frustratingly getting nowhere trying to convey to her brother Joe Gorga that he needs to spend more time with their widowed father. Shortly thereafter came the scene where Frank and Joe sat down one-on-one at a restaurant. “No one looks back (on a family member’s life) and says ‘I wish I had spent more time working,’” Frank told Joe. Perhaps it was a case of ineffective communication because men are from Mars and women are from Venus – maybe sexism – but either way, the authoritative and commandingly large, muscular man at the table got through to Joe Gorga in a way Teresa hadn’t been able to.

While the ladies on RHONJ have more married “Housewives” than on the other franchises – i.e. Real Housewives of New York – Dolores Catania is currently unmarried, but came to the show with her ex-husband as part of an unconventional package deal. Frank, her best friend, business partner, and housemate insists that their relationship is platonic despite audience skepticism.

“I feel like I wouldn’t want anything sexual to happen because I wouldn’t want to ruin what we have,” Catania tells me, “I love the dynamic that we have. She is one of my best friends and we work together really well.”

He adds that the overall experience of participating in the Bravo show has opened up his eyes and greatly expanded his way of thinking.

This is something he is incredibly appreciative about: “I used to be a very conservative individual. Through this show, I got to meet so many different people and understand their stories. I am all for same-sex marriage, same-sex adoptions – whereas 10 years ago, that wasn’t me. If the show ended tomorrow, it definitely would have had a good, lasting impact. I am ‘old school’ in certain ways, but my opinions and positions have changed because of so many things I wouldn’t have come into contact with if I hadn’t done the show. I probably would have been sheltered and not had the chance to understand all that I understand now.”

Following is the rest of my conversation with Frank Catania:

You came to the show in an unusual way – as Dolores’s ex-husband. How did they decide to feature you within the context of her story?

It has to do with the fact that despite being exes, Dolores and I are integral parts of each other’s lives. It’s hard to spotlight one without the other. It works. And it worked out really well. It has been the best for my children.

Don’t get me wrong, years ago, we had the divorce proceedings and it was a fight tooth and nail. Things were not always like this. But Dolores is very smart and as soon as it was over, she said we could either keep on fighting and it would not be good for our kids, or we could be friends. Quite honestly, we’ve always been great friends and it made the most sense and felt right. The whole husband thing at the time…I was having a hard time following the handbook – to say the least!

I give all the credit in the world to Dolores for how our relationship turned out. She is strong, smart and she put aside occurrences leading up to the divorce for the good of our family. She didn’t have to be that way if she didn’t want it to be that way.

In Season 8, we saw how you two had begun living together because you were having problems with your girlfriend. Some fans expressed that they were unclear as to whether you and Dolores still have the same living arrangement during Season 9 since you tend to go to Florida often.

Yes, we do have the same arrangement. It was not even my idea or Dolores’s. I was with my girlfriend for about 14 years at that time and the only chance of things getting better was for me to move out. Being a builder, I was going to build myself a house. She saw that as an indication that there was very little chance of us working out. So my girlfriend approached Dolores – they became close, she (the girlfriend) was someone I had gotten together with well after the divorce – and asked Dolores if she thought me coming back home could be an idea. Dolores loved the idea thinking she could use some help around the house, and we have a strange relationship of divorced people who can be just friends and housemates.

Viewers say there must be sexual tension or sexual chemistry, but it sounds like there’s enough trust from the people you date. It’s so strange to me that Dolores’s boyfriend David is OK with things.

Anyone who knows us well knows there’s nothing sexual between us. Dolores is one of my two best friends and I would do anything for her. If there was anything sexual between us, that would ruin what we have.

I know you owned gyms together. Is that still the case?

We have a Gold’s and a Powerhouse and are partners in that. We have a building business as well as the gyms. We are also flipping houses together.

How were you able to do all those things while you were also a lawyer?

The gyms have great support and management staff, so that was something I was able to oversee, but had great people taking care of the businesses. The building business I always had, but I never took a hands on, day-to-day approach. When I stopped practicing law, I committed 100 percent to the building business. We’re now busier than we ever were with all different aspects of that business. I’m also a lot happier. I put on a pair of jeans to go to the site and check in with Dolores about the things she takes care of. She’s really busy with the show now, so I pick up the slack

where I have to and it works out well.

Since you are notably quite buff and in shape, what does your daily workout and dietary regimen consist of?

I live vicariously through the people I train, Teresa being one of them. I had an injury that stopped me from competing, but I continue with the lifestyle – I can’t get away from it. During the week, I have a regimented diet. I do cardio and working out. Then, during the weekends, I enjoy myself. I don’t drink too much and neither does Dolores, but I sure love to eat! As in shape as I may look, that’s why I always have a shirt on when you see me on the show. I enjoy food.

Many of the viewers were wanting to know: ‘Why did you say Teresa needed to lose 10 pounds?!’?

There are absolutely different requirements (than the norm) for being onstage. When I got Teresa – she had been training with a different trainer initially – she was 3 and a half weeks out from her show. Over those weeks, I helped Teresa to lose 18 pounds. It is mostly water weight with women and there’s a certain toned and shredded look you need to compete. At the same time, we needed to keep the size of her ass because it was a bikini competition. She looked great when I first saw her, but to get on stage you to have to be on another level.

I always find it interesting when the men are discussing the gossip and the goings-on between the ladies on the show. At the risk of gender stereotyping, just knowing the men in my own life, I don’t think it comes naturally to them. So, I’m naturally curious about you guys.

When you were advising Joe Gorga, I wondered if it was out of your comfort zone, and when you looked at the Bergen Record newspaper, I imagined a producer placing the newspaper in front of you and saying ‘discuss this’. How easy is it for you to get involved in the drama?

It’s not hard, but you’ll notice that I only get involved peripherally. You see Marty and Joe Benigno (Margaret Joseph’s husband) getting into it. I try to keep my distance from that.

Normally I never read a newspaper until I moved in with Dolores. She’s a newspaper and magazine fanatic who got me into. As I’m reading the newspaper, someone geared me a little bit so I got to that specific article a little bit quicker that particular day.

People loved how you effectively communicated to Joe Gorga that he needs to spend time with his aging dad. It seemed so difficult for Teresa to get through to him and I feel bad for Teresa that it seemed to only take you a second – if editing is to be trusted. So in reality, how easy was that for you?

Believe it or not, it was pretty easy. I’m a few years older than Joe Gorga and when he was building his business, I was at the top of my game. I started representing him as an attorney. I helped him get deals that he wouldn’t have gotten. Then he ran with it and he’s doing great. We have a mutual respect for one another. That scene wasn’t made up for the camera.

In 2007, my mother passed away and I was talking to a friend who is a priest and I said “I worked like an animal.” I had my own thoughts about spending more time with her before she passed and how important that was, and the priest said to me that he had seen many people on their deathbeds and not one relative ever said “I wish I had spent more time working.” I took that to heart and the conversation I had with Joe came from my heart. Then Joe really took it to heart.

One uncomfortable thing I wanted to get into…The whole disbarment thing. Did you want to avoid getting into it or did you inevitably have to because Danielle brought it up to Teresa (who then repeated it to Dolores)?

It came up at last year’s reunion and Dolores said ‘no’ because she had no idea I had been disbarred. I’m one of those people who, when something is bothering me, I’m not going to tell somebody if I feel there’s nothing they can do about it. The truth is, I should have told Dolores about it. I regret not doing so. I also knew she would have been approached – it was then in the tabloids and became public knowledge.

For that, I’m very sorry. I just didn’t want to tell her until some more time passed because I knew she was going to worry. Financially, we’re doing better now than we were doing before. The building business is much more lucrative than being a lawyer.

Are you still in touch with Dolores’s bestie from last season, Siggy Flicker?

Yes. Dolores is much more in touch than I am of course. I am in touch with Siggy’s husband Michael Campanella. They seem to be doing wonderfully. The best move for her was getting off the show. She is one of the nicest people I know. The drama and fights were just too much for her personality.

What do you think of Margaret Josephs this season? I know that she always liked you, but she and Dolores were not as close last year.

Even with the past issues between Dolores and Margaret, I’ve always been friendly with Margaret and her husband Joe. I’m down in Miami often and one time, I saw on Instagram that she was down here, so I DM’d her to see if Joe was with her and if he wanted to hang out. Dolores never had a problem with it and Margaret got to see that I had no problem with her. It’s the same with Danielle. I was always cordial to her when I saw her. I’m never going to let someone’s actions dictate my actions.

We don’t get to see your (and Dolores’s) daughter Gabby on the show anymore? Was that a conscientious decision on her part? We definitely see Frank Jr. a lot.

I have two children and they are on two totally different ends of the spectrum. My son loves being on the show and the reason my daughter is not on so much is two-fold. She doesn’t really like to get involved as much as the rest of us do. Also, she’s in a different country. She studied to become a veterinarian and she’s really swamped with that. Her workload is really rough. Even if she wasn’t away, I don’t think you’d see her as often. She’s not drawn to the cameras as much as we are.

How do you feel about the storyline of your relationship with Dolores being so spotlighted, plus the fact that the other ladies keep saying you guys should get back together?

It doesn’t bother me at all. It’s my life with Dolores. I’m very proud that we’re able to be the way we are as a divorced couple. The amount of social media responses is incredible – with people wanting to know ‘how did you and Dolores do it?’ I try to give insight and then 2-3 months later, I will get a follow-up message saying “my ex and I went out to dinner the other night and we decided we’re going to be cordial.’ I just love that!

You could be the Divorce Whisperer

(Laughs) There you go!

Are you in touch with past RHONJ cast mates Caroline and Dina Manzo?

Dina, no because Dolores and Dina’s relationship deteriorated and Dina no longer lives in the area. I remain close with her ex Tommy. Caroline and Albert I don’t see as much because our paths don’t cross. If I go to The Brownstown, we hug. Jacqueline Laurita we still keep in touch with. The other ones I don’t know well – except the OG members. I’ve always been the closest to Joe Gorga who I’ve known before filming with him.

OK, here’s a fun game that was proposed by a RHONJ fan from the Bravo Junkies Facebook group: Teresa, Danielle and Jennifer – Shag, Marry, Kill?

Teresa- Shag

Danielle – Shag

Jennifer – Shag

W-Wait. You would shag all of them?!

That’s just my personality, sorry! You wonder why Dolores and I didn’t work out.

What do you think of the two new additions to Season 9, Jennifer Aydin and Jackie Goldschneider?

I love Jennifer! It’s a shame because she was misunderstood originally. With her, there’s a sober side and then there’s Jennifer after a drink. Jenifer in person is a doll.

Jackie and I just aren’t in the same sphere. We say hello and are cordial, but there’s not much more beyond that. I have to be honest with myself and say that I think that might have a little to do with me being a lawyer. The women attorneys never meshed too well with me. It was like oil and water for us, so it might go back to that…and this feeling of someone needing to always get in the last word. But Jennifer is hilarious, fun and so nice. I hope the viewers get to witness more of that.

To see more of Frank Catania and his storyline with ex-wife Dolores, tune in to Real Housewives of New Jersey on Bravo, Wednesdays at 9PM.

(Photo source for featured image of Dolores and Frank Catania: Reality Blurb)

Blind Item, Reality TV

Blind Item: Tempers Flare

Another storm is brewing, and this is after we’ve seen the placid persona of this reality TV cast member. All’s not fair in love and war, so choose your bed mates carefully. A romance can be as unpredictable as the wind, although you viewers already have an inkling (or several). Tempers flared after this season we’re watching wrapped. We’ve seen this personality be tough and show they take no guff. We’ve also seen the soft and tender side. However, according to my source, anger escalated once the season wrapped. The reunion should reflect that.

Uncategorized

#TheBachelor: AKA, The “‘Who Will Deflower the Virgin?’ Show”

The Bachelor always throws us twists and turns, and being realistic, it’s the drama between the contestants that keeps us watching. Casting provides us with narcissists, naive individuals, competitive types and insecure weaklings. The eclectic group is thrown into a house to duke things out under one roof and vie for the affections of one man.

This year features Colton Underwood in the title role, but in interviews and repeated ad nauseam on the show is an adjective to precede “Bachelor”: VIRGIN. There is much ado about about a male human over the age of 21 who still has his V card. But I mean, look, we were all virgins once, and there are only so many times viewers want to hear about Colton’s sexual status – or lack thereof.

Were it not for the petty house fights and guest appearances by none other than Megan Mullally, Nick Offerman and Billy Eichner to keep us entertained, many of us would be screaming at our TV screens. Well, some of us still are.

The more experienced women in the house have a thirsty air about them, wanting to be the first to hook up with this unlikely virgin who is not waiting for marriage, but the “right person”. He’s made it pretty clear in previews that he hopes it happens in The Bachelor fantasy suites. Wouldn’t you want your first time to be documented on a national prime time show?

Since sex is a more stressed undercurrent this season, I imagine mothers cringing at home watching their daughters convey that they want to be the seductress of the season. If it were the other way around, with a female virgin as the lead (especially in these modern times), we’d get a very rapey and predatory vibe. Euphemistically, we can use words like “cougar” and “more experienced” in this scenario to justify what has become the “Who wants to deflower the Virgin?” show. Of course, I’m guilty of watching, but that doesn’t negate the creepiness.

So, who will get Colton’s final rose and provide him with this rite of passage – documented on ABC? Stay tuned to inexplicably long episodes on Monday nights at 8pm.

(Pictured: Colton Underwood and comedian Billy Eichner, Photo Source: E! Online)

Bigotry, Homophobia, Real Housewives, RHONJ, Uncategorized

#BravoTV Wants NOTHING to Do with Him, But It Needs to Be Said

If the old school adage uttered by Jennifer Aydin on Real Housewives of New Jersey (“The husband is the head, but the woman is the neck and the neck can swivel the head and have control over it”) has any merit, a certain neck of a RHONJ alumnus could swivel the egomaniacal head above it.

However, as I write this, I’ve gotten word that the obstinate “neck” is stiff and upright in defense of her husband and other “good christians” who spread the gospel of homophobia.

Ok, so the Bible has its passages, Jim points out, and he is entitled (wrongly) to be angry that there are gay people in this world. He doesn’t seem to grasp that we are all wired the way we are in terms of sexuality. He doesn’t seem to have kept up with the articles or listened to the excellent podcast Unerased. He thinks being gay is a lifestyle choice.

His wife has indicated she backs him up in the flawed logic that gayness is an urge to fight off and not succumb to.

I want to insert here that some of us are somewhere on the Kinsey scale. Bisexuality is a real thing for those wondering about the depiction of Freddie Mercury in the Bohemian Rhapsody biopic. The comedic duo of Ronna & Beverly used to have a bit about there being a spectrum: “a little bit gay, a little bit straight…our show is for everyone.” For those who got the humor, their ridiculous ramblings resonated and the podcast (now on indefinite hiatus) amassed a cult following, within the LGBTQ community and elsewhere.

Real Housewives of New Jersey‘s former fledgling cast member Jim Marchese (pictured, husband to former RHONJ Housewife Amber) doesn’t get it. The question is: Why use his platform to spew hatred about homosexuality? What is his PERSONAL issue with it? Why not comment on something that doesn’t affect him personally?

Some have suggested that those who lash out in this manner do so because of their own internal battles. Perhaps Jim is projecting onto the LGBTQ community because he’s wrestling with his own demons and indoctrinated guilt? Maybe he doesn’t believe he’s a good Christian. Or maybe this is just who he is, a person who chooses a group to lash out at in order to pass the time. It could be a publicity stunt to remain relevant…which will have many people mad at me for even writing about it.

Something to consider is that there was that domestic dispute between he and his wife years ago on an airplane. The result was that law enforcement got involved. Parlaying their “15 minutes” from RHONJ into more TV time, they appeared on the show Marriage Bootcamp to address their public dysfunctions and (presumably) to salvage their union.

Maybe his (highly erroneous) form of penance is speaking out on all things he thinks aren’t “right” in the world.

However, the way he’s going about it is all wrong. See how Twitter has reacted (I of course had to weigh in because of my passion for the LGBTQ community and my friends who are even more offended by JM’s intolerant views than I am –which is saying something. I wasted several tweets on the vile man yesterday.)

As for the Bravo network and the RHONJ production company Sirens Media, they want us to either forget Jim and Amber Marchese ever existed, or acknowledge how far they’ve come with casting better people.

Viewers have mixed opinions on the current cast, but are thankful that Jim Marchese is only currently starring on The Big Twitter Shit Show From New Jersey.

Hang in there: it’s about to lose audience members.

(Featured Photo Source: RADAR ONLINE)

Reality TV

#RealityTV Realness: Looking to Cast “Crazy” Folks (But Let’s STOP Using That Word)

“Reality TV is definitely not for the faint of heart,” Emily Simpson recently remarked. In case her name is unfamiliar to you, Simpson was a cast mate on Real Housewives of Orange County this past season, her inaugural one which had a level of inevitable hazing for the newbie.

As an attorney, part time party planner, and a mother, Simpson thought she was well-equipped for any battle ground. However, she quickly discovered that even she, “a tough cookie” needed to be stronger, to fight back, stand her ground and adamantly state what she was opposed to from her cast mates.

Her general tendency is to be more laid back, but she found her voice amongst the taunts, outbursts, gossip and chatter from the other ladies during filming – especially when Kelly Dodd insulted her husband Shane by calling him a “little geek”, “a twerp” and “a nerd.”

Emily fought back, perhaps too hard, saying the words (to Kelly Dodd) that we all need to consider carefully before uttering: “I will kill you.” But stress – and the duress brought on by filming a show which requires you to hang out with volatile personalities who are virtual strangers full of unpleasant surprises – can get the best of you.

That’s why I personally wouldn’t sign release forms. Television would be a magnification of my worse traits. I have a hard enough time listening to my own voice when I’m on a podcast.

Other Housewives franchises and reality shows across the many networks, especially 90 Day Fiance on TLC, are cast with the most eclectic, explosive, dramatic, controversial and polarizing individuals. This is not to say that other people aren’t cast as foils to their antitheses, or because they’re enormously endearing.

Nevertheless, “Crazy” is the most overused (albeit at times, seemingly suitable) label for reality folks. Some of the Real Housewives of New Jersey cast have had difficulty handling the brashness and blunt manner of Margaret Josephs. The answer about whether reactions to her remarks are “crazy” may be subjective. However, it would be wrong to use such a harsh term when discussing exclusively what’s shown on television.

Is Caroline on Bravo’s Below Deck “crazy” on the show? One could definitely assert that she seems neurotic, filled with anxiety and understandably on edge around judgmental cast mates, but again, based solely on the footage (and discounting social media tirades), “crazy” wouldn’t be a fair depiction.

Is it ever a fair one? Caroline is dealing with a mother who has dementia, Emily is dealing with the stress of the unexpected, a terse relationship with her mother, while also grappling with the heavy decision about having another child (following an emotional fertility journey and multiple miscarriages).

Women in their 50s on other franchises have hormones entirely out of whack as menopause looms large. Then there is an audience unwilling to hold back or mince harsh words on all social media platforms.

Maybe we should all own up to the crazy label and say “Yes, I own my temporary insanity”, but I think the word “crazy” is tossed around too liberally. I suffer from Generalized Anxiety and I’m currently dealing with real life stresses that could affect any woman my age as their parents get older.

Do I handle stress well? Not always (or to quote Dorinda Medley from Real Housewives of New York, “not well, bitch!”)

Have I had my “crazy” moments? Oh yes, definitely. I once left a harsh voicemail message asking an individual to knock off their baffling shenanigans. I had my Alec Baldwin moment when the individual (not a friend or even an acquaintance) published the voicemail on a website. I chose not to listen to it (I’ve mentioned hating the sound of my own voice), but I will cop to sounding like I was at my wit’s end – I was.

I’m not bothered that the individual (again, a stranger) went on to call me a nut, unstable…with regard to my momentary lapse in judgement. This person doesn’t actually know me and how I’m open about my anxiety, how I went through the worst period when my twins were born shockingly and detrimentally prematurely. I felt no shame about going on Lexapro when their traumatic birth was followed by months of insomnia.

Emily Simpson certainly never intended to actually kill Kelly Dodd when she screamed “I’ll kill you.”

The normal, everyday man or woman (and let’s be real about how men easily get passes when it comes to “bad behavior,” and are less prone to be labeled “crazy” than women are… “strong,” “stubborn,” “hot headed,” “annoyed” and worse, justified in their annoyance – yet rarely “crazy”) needs to pause and think before reacting.

That is what would happen in an ideal reality, but reality TV is set up with the cards stacked against its stars purposely and things moving quickly as directed by producers.

When on reality TV, you are to spend lots of time – including overseas getaways – with people who are not your “real life friends.” You are advised to swallow your pride in order to film, and producers ask deliberate questions, knowing the answers are sure to get you in trouble.

In your most tense-filled moment, you are asked “Siggy, what do you think of the things Margaret said?” You may cry, you may yell out an expletive. You feel wronged and who is to say feelings aren’t justified! Are you crazy? NO.

You are in an ill-suited environment for you. You are desperately in need of a new one, surrounded by people you view as kind, like-minded, who share your sense of humor and propriety.

Should you decide to return to the show – which is my hope for Emily Simpson of RHOC – you now know how to do things differently and what you will never repeat. And your hope is to give viewers and reviewers new adjectives. “Crazy” is not only a cop-out, but a disservice – especially to women who have been dismissed simply as just that for thousands of years.

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Tag Archives: Reality TV