Bravo TV, Reality TV

#RHOBH: God Gives Dorit What She Can Handle (& Us? A Lack of Storylines), Ep 815

Are you there, God? It’s me Shira. And no, that wasn’t a dig at YOU my Lord, but addressed to the god/s at NCB Universal who left the most salacious storylines of this season on the cutting room floor. (To give them the benefit of the doubt, let’s go with that.)

The good news about this latest episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, titled “Dames, Dogs and Danke,” is that after we see Porsha Umansky packing while wearing her “The Agency” T, Kyle chiding her for keeping those green Christmas pants with red bulbs sewn in, and Dorit sashaying into a showroom for her beachwear line sporting ANOTHER fanny pack, the ladies change it up and are in Berlin.

One interesting thing before we get to Germany (that blasted country where my luggage got lost once when I went on biz and I can never forgive them. Considering that I’m Jewish, I think I’m being very generous giving that as my reason for disliking the land. Oh yes, I went there!): Dorit makes a comment about how God only gives you what you can handle (a very Jewish expression, by the way) because – get this – she’s soooooooo busy and HOWDOESSHEEVERGETITALLDONE?!!!! This is a familiar refrain to women worldwide, but it seems that Dorit gets it all done with a ton of nannies and other types of help. I also never got the sense that this work on Beverly Beach is full time, but correct me if I’m wrong here.

Realizing she is also filming a reality TV show, there may in fact be an overwhelming load to juggle.  Including PK. He shares an endearing scene with Dorit at the screening of Lisa Vanderpump’s touching film about her work saving Yulin dogs and bringing awareness to that cause. It’s pretty scandalous (all things considered when you assess the current season of RHOBH overall) that Dorit mixes sour gummies in with popcorn! It’s rather preposterous actually. She and PK share some banter over this and we’re supposed to believe that stick skinny Dorit normally pigs out in this manner at the movie theater….Just as Rinna indulged in Erika’s cookies while she and Dorit were visiting and admiring Erika Jayne’s avatar for the Kardashian game.

Also notable: Prior to the tear inducing film screening, Dorit calls LVP while she’s getting her makeup done. Their conversation goes something like this:

Dorit: I’m so sorry about the death of your other dog Pikachu so soon after Pink Dog’s demise.

LVP: Thank you, Dorit, but I really cannot talk about it now or I’ll be too emotional at the event tonight.

Dorit: But it’s just so devastating after the loss of your last dog. It’s so soon. I know you don’t want to talk about it, but it’s just so horrible.

LVP: Thank you Dorit, but I REALLY don’t want to talk about it now.

Dorit: Oh, but it’s so absolutely tragically awful. You must be having such a hard time and you know that the other ladies are going to bring it up tonight. I’m so sorry Lisa for the loss of Pikachu. You just have no idea how sorry I am.

LVP (gritting her teeth): Do you EVER shut up, Dorit? I told you I don’t want to discuss it.

(Rinse and repeat.)

Makeup Artist: Rolls his eyes and smirks

Well, let’s skip ahead to Berlin where an entire hotel staff greets the women including the hotel chain’s PR and Marketing head. They’ve been briefed by production and Bravo that this is a very important show that will give them incredible representation, especially since so many people travel to Berlin (…not the Jews).

Erika is given the Presidential Suite because this is her trip…and well, because she’s Erika Jayne. The ladies are all given luxurious suites but they pale in comparison to the divine queen EJ’s. However, my entire house in New Jersey pales in comparison to these suites so I am one to talk.

Dorit got really sick on the airplane ride over, but when the German doctor visits, he is able to give her the quickest explanation for her baffling ailments and he looks at her as if to say “Stupid American!” She mixed Zithromax with Tamaflu, which one must not mix together….and had a Bloody Mary on top of that, according to LVP.

When the Housewives go out to dinner, sans the resting and recuperating Dorit, Erika is late because she’s discussing “lewks” with Mikey and dons a jacket that could be Chanel but is, no doubt, more expensive. Then she calls the hotel to arrange for a dinner the following night. It will be in her lavish suite with the group. While Dorit and Teddi have been able to put their differences aside and embrace following another apology for the apology for the earlier apology…LVP gets out of hand. First she tells Rinna that she’s been too subdued lately. I interpreted this as a warning from LVP to Rinna: “You’re not bringing enough of your characteristic shit- stirring to remain relevant on this show!” or, as Rinna sees it “You’re not doing my dirty work anymore!” In either case, it’s enough to be perceived as the show matriarch chiding a cast member of lesser standing. Rinna, do NOT fall for it. We are all enjoying you this season! And not that much else….

For me, Rinna has been a breath of fresh comedy this season. She is like an outside observer finally assessing the craziness of these batty ladies on our TV screens and hers.

LVP then gets mad at Kyle for forgetting who her grandmother Nanny Kay is. “How can you not remember Nanny Kay? I mention her all the bloody time!” exclaims LVP as we see a flashback scene of her discussing her gradnmother. “I thought you were referencing a character in a musical,” says Kyle. “No, that’s Mary Poppins!” LVP says exasperatedly. (I am completely paraphrasing this entire conversation obviously.) Kyle is caught completely off guard, but that’s what she gets for not keeping up. With LVP, it is best for everyone else to look at this situation like they are competing on Big Brother. It is essential to commit everything to memory or you’ll be accused of treason and disloyalty.

As Erika notes, the implication from LVP is: What sort of a friend are you who doesn’t LISTEN to me when I’m talking?!

EJ’s expression also says it all, followed by a characteristic eye roll.

Tune in next week for more Berlin.

 

 

 

 

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Bravo TV, Reality TV

#RHOBH recap: “Do You Really Want To Make Me Cry?” (Ep. 813)

This week’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills began in reverse. We are at dinner and we see Teddi storming out upset and in tears with LVP trailing behind her. Just like a newly inducted sorority member, Teddi is experiencing the rough initiation and inevitable hazing she was wholly unprepared for. As with previous seasons, the unconscious root of the major problem is Queen Bee LVP. The competition to be her prized pet is a fierce one. Her latest “broken bird” is “Teddi Bear”, the object of her much doting focus. So, there is fallout because that much- coveted spot once belonged to Dorit Kemsley.

We rewind to see what led up to this disastrous dinner where Teddi has stormed out upset with Erika and Lisa has run after her.

In the time leading up to this, there have been several mini events. The first of these is Eileen Davidson meeting with Erika and Lisa Rinna. Eileen has been hard at work as a soap opera star and she has also wisely come to the realization that drama and the act of clashing with characters is best left in the scripted realm. With this newfound solace, the former Real Housewife allows herself a generous guffaw when her old cast mates, Erika and Rinna, relate they’re getting along fantastically with Dorit.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help but laugh,” Eileen titters. It’s more amusing than Jesse Van Patten popping out of a hamper or a suitcase to entertain himself as his mother films all day. I will miss those Jesse scenes, but Eileen is doing alright without this extra show. Erika makes the offhanded remark that she’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. Eileen says it will be a boot.

Later, Teddi meets Rinna for manicures and pedicures and Rinna relates how nice it is that she just met up with Dorit, how they are getting along terrifically, and how this is something she never would’ve envisioned last year. Teddi the Accountability Coach, who is always concerned about being on time and has made “time” a major storyline, (in a vapid season greatly lacking in storylines) decides to bring up something that transpired 3 long months before.

Now what one should be aware of is that three months in Housewives terms is the equivalent of 3 years. You can be friends with someone in May and totally despise them by August. Things turn on a dime and a woman seriously has to keep up.

Anyway…Teddi says she feels compelled to tell Rinna that Dorit and PK were talking smack about her when she and Edwin dined at their house. Rinna is very measured and reasonable about this in response. She says she knows they’ve said worse things and she’s already aware that PK once called her “schizophrenic” which he reiterated at the dinner.

The reality of the situation is that Teddi knows Rinna will see all that was said when it airs on RHOBH. I believe that was her main motivation in telling Rinna what occurred 3 months prior. Keeping that in mind, I guess I cannot entirely blame her. Initially though, I was questioning why she brought it up and felt she should know better with this clawing crew. Teddi has said in press interviews that she never actually watched the show before she came to be a star on it. If that is to be believed, it’s another plausible explanation.

In this episode we also see Dorit meet with Erika, and Kyle and Mauricio discuss the possibility of moving to a new house. When Erika and Dorit meet at the Girardi home, we discover that Erika has prepared a tasty spread that the ladies then proceed to pretend to eat. They seem to be clicking and bonding…because now there is a new Housewife to throw under the bus and gossip about, Teddi Mellencamp.

As she explains to Erika, Dorit feels that Teddi has to discuss everything and go around in circles while Teddi says this is exactly what Dorit is doing. They each are not a fan of the other’s talking. Erika points out that Dorit seems competitive for LVP’s love and attention, which Dorit totally cops to. Erika’s eye-roll in her testimonial says it all.

In the meantime, Kyle and Mauricio have been making all of these renovations to their home and you would think that the end result would be to live there…Well, you would be wrong. They’re considering moving into a whole new palace worth over $8M. Their youngest daughter Porscha says she would love to move so she can reorder her room. Think about it: if your room is currently a mess and you want it neat and organized, moving to a new place is an easy way out…

if you’re rich.

Later on, Mauricio takes Kyle to see the house they’re considering buying. He lets her know that they have to move quickly on this because there have been other offers.

We also get to see a meeting that Dorit and PK have with executives in charge of Dorit’s swimwear line. It turns out that Boy George is an investor which has viewers taking to social media to express their bewilderment. I’ve also seen him tweet a lot in defense and support of Dorit. I never thought an 80s music icon would be so connected to this franchise.

Back at La Casa Kemsley, Dorit gets a call from Teddi asking if she’d like to ride with her to where the ladies will be having drinks. Teddi has something she wants to discuss with Dorit. The latter assents and we see her sigh and roll her eyes heavenward. “We have to talk about the conversation about the conversation about the conversation” Dorit groans to the cameras. It’s a statement that sums up the season impeccably thus far.

The ladies all meet up and Camille is there too, now a regular part of this group when they are all together. Camille also seems to be an advocate for Teddi who is about to bear the brunt of her costars’ agitations.

It seems that Erika and Rinna have coordinated their outfits too, unless black sequins are really in fashion and this can be deemed a coincidence. I, for one, never got the memo.

Kyle informs LVP that she and Mauricio bought that $8M house. LVP is happy for her but sad she hasn’t gotten to see it first. Kyle also explains that she’s only there for a bit because she’s off to see Hamilton with Porscha. Teddi will later be wishing she was invited to attend the showing of Hamilton. Rinna then mentions that her mom is coming into town and she would like to take everybody out to lunch with her.

Kyle excuses herself before the shit hits the fan and Camille checks with Dorit to see if she’s still upset about the passive aggressive ball gag gift. No, says Dorit, but if there’s a problem why don’t we nip it in the bud when it happens…rather than weeks to months later?! This brings Dorit to the conversation that she and Teddi just had on their ride over.

The drama then erupts because Teddi wasn’t planning on having this harping session with Dorit in front of the ladies. She had hoped it was limited to the car and then over, but Teddi is so ill prepared for these ladies and this show! We flash back to that car ride and Teddi comes clean about her conversation with Rinna about the conversation that took place at Dorit and PK’s lambasting Rinna. It truly is “conversations about conversations about conversations.” As I said…

This leads to a discussion of how Teddi thinks her hands are clean but that she keeps stirring up trouble by repeating what the other ladies have said. Erika is on Dorit’s side and then Teddi reminds Erika of an earlier conversation (about LVP) where Erika backed Teddi. Erika has forgotten about that conversation and Teddi refers to it as “amnesia.” At this remark, Erika explodes at Teddi, stating that she simply forgot and is not a liar. But we really see Erika’s temper at its apex and how she can overreact. For viewers, this immediately conjures up an image of her reacting to Eileen last season when the subject of her son, the police officer, was brought up. It is time for this group to disband, but Teddi is visibly shaken by Erika’s volatile and extreme outburst. She just wants to get away as fast as humanly possible.

As utterly ludicrous as Dorit can be, we see that she has more compassion than Erika at the end of this dinner as she tries to console Teddi before LVP takes over. Erika tells Dorit to let Teddi go, that she’ll be fine. In her testimonial, Erika calls Teddi a “cry baby” and let’s us know – despite Rinna’s thoughts to the contrary – that she will NOT be apologizing. Don’t count on it.

Next week: Lunch with Lois and the loss of a Vanderpump pup.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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