#RHOP: Monique Samuels Launches ‘Not For Lazy Moms’ Parenting Site

Monique Samuels stars on Real Housewives of Potomac which is returning to Bravo this month. Despite her lavish lifestyle (and multiple luxurious homes), she says that her Jersey-based extended family has kept her rooted and down to earth. Monique’s dad made sure she wasn’t out driving until she learned to change a tire and check under the hood of a car and life was not always as glamorous for Monique as it is today. She values a good work ethic, managing her husband’s real estate investment company. First and foremost, she is a mom to two young kids and that is her primary focus. Being married to Chris Samuels, a six-time Pro Bowl left tackle who played for the Washington Redskins, hasn’t caused her to lose sight of the importance of hands-on parenting. Currently nanny-less while her kids are in school programs, she has always felt that it’s important to not have anyone else raising her children. When things were busier and the kids were not yet in pre-school, she had help, but describes the arrangement as follows: “We collaborated. When she (the nanny) was doing laundry, I would do things with the kids. You work together so the kids definitely get quality time with their mom!”

When Monique’s son was fussy due to allergies, it made her search for some natural remedies in addition to running to her pediatrician. “I’m not a naturopath,” she explains, “But I do like to find what will keep me from reaching for Motrin, if that’s possible. I like to find the essential oils that can give some relief.I’m very big on essential oils.” Monique just launched the parenting lifestyle website Not For Lazy Moms at the insistence of friends who appreciated her insight and advice.

“My friends would ask me about some natural remedies and I would be researching and making these suggestions and they said ‘You really need to start a website where you share this with others.” I urge people first to go to the pediatrician! But it doesn’t hurt to do your research and complement that with natural remedies so you can potentially lessen the number of sick visits.” Not For Lazy Moms began as a Facebook group. Monique would also record videos and the NFLM site went live on October 30th.

Although brand new, some early 5 star reviews are in because Monique initially brought this concept to the Not For Lazy Moms Facebook group she created:

Not For Lazy Moms is not only about health and wellness though. It also encompasses other areas of parenting and encourages moms – “not Perfect Patties” as Monique says – to be candid about struggles and ways to overcome them.

Regarding the title of the site, “What mom is lazy?! I don’t think ANY mom is lazy,” stresses Monique, “I want to be clear that the name is pure snark. Wracking our brains to figure out what’s good for our kids, what’s beneficial for our marriages and how to spice things up as couples…Those are all things we deal with. That was my impetus for starting Not For Lazy Moms. I’ve learned how to get my kids to get to bed by 8 pm so my husband and I can enjoy some time to ourselves after. It’s not always about going out, some times it’s just enjoying some wine or a cigar – on occasion and having ‘date night’ at home.”

“I know this is not easy for parents in general. You should come in and smell our home! We use essential oils and We have a diffuser going…I rub some essential oils on my kids feet before going into bed. My husband and I do the same. We all have to work hard to figure out the routines and learn what’s effective so we can be in bed peacefully by a certain time and having things running smoothly in our lives. I really want this website to be a place to hear from other mothers, for moms to exchange ideas and discuss what works, for moms to ask questions and get answers. My friend Valerie is actually a matchmaker who contributes to the site and will give parents great ideas on keeping the spark, something parents of really young kids and babies can forget to prioritize or struggle with.”

Monique has been very busy lately recording televised morning segments that provide tips to moms. She is also working on developing a podcast (that will also likely be titled Not For Lazy Moms). When I ask her if other cast members from Real Housewives Of Potomac will be involved with the website, she says that anything is possible further down the line. However, this is not about Bravo. It’s about helping moms connect with other relatable, everyday moms.

“Whether you want a recipe for homemade play dough that you can make with your kids, or date night ideas for you and your significant other, I want this to be a place where moms go for excellent ideas! We are also interested in having other moms be contributors. There is a tab on the site for that. I love interacting with people and sharing some of my thoughts and the things I’ve learned from real life, hands-on experience.”

You can check out Monique’s website at: www.NotForLazyMoms.com or follow her on Twitter @https://twitter.com/iammrssamuels.

(This article previously ran in my Huffington Post Contributor archive)

Bravo TV, Reality TV

#RHOBH Recap: Heaven Help Us! (Ep. 814)

In the latest episode of The Real Filler Scenes of Beverly Hills, a psychic steals a storyline straight from The Twilight Zone, claiming to have a direct (telephone) line to heaven. But more on that later. We begin with an unnecessary apology from a very practical, responsible and all-too-reasonable (for this show anyway) Accountability Coach to a woman sporting a Gucci fanny pack, off-kilter blonde wig and narrow heels…all from the comfort of her own home.

Dorit rolls her eyes as soon as she sees Teddi’s calling and gives her a hard time. Teddi is wondering why she can’t get the response “I accept” immediately. She should have known not to bother in the first place, but Teddi has never watched Real Housewives of Beverly Hills before….or so she’s claimed in interviews.

Teddi is stating to Dorit that she’s sorry for giving Lisa Rinna the heads up that Dorit and PK were maligning Rinna months before. In actuality, the crux of this apology is that Teddi feels the heat from all the rehashing so common among the group. She is also trying to show she’s accountable for her actions and can admit when she’s wrong…Unlike a certain someone whose name rhymes with Shmoreet.

The ladies go to lunch later with Rinna’s mom Lois who is a feisty 89 and can order whatever the hell she likes from a menu. Lois had a stroke years ago that seemed to zap the parts of the brain that freak out from stress and anxiety and cause a perfectly sane person to feel depressed. She is as cool as a cucumber and loving life. Rinna has told her mom that she can snap at the ladies to behave if they start to act petty and Lois is up for that challenge. She ends up having to hear all about Dorit’s bathing suit business and Camille happily points out once again (in a testimonial) that Dorit just cannot shut the hell up.

Teddi is relieved that Erika is not there because she’s at some Girl Power event that is a combo of Ted Talks and Coachella. It sounds like a nightmare to me personally because 2 of the other panelists are Tyra Banks and Kimora Lee Simmons. I’m OK with Tyra, but Kimora Lee is one of those “famous” and affluent women who aggravates me in a way that I can’t explain, but Lala Anthony would be the other person that has the same cringe-inducing effect on me and it has something to do with their egos…or how I perceive their egos to be. I frequently mentally banish them both to that category of my mind – I do realize that Lois would never be as petty as I’m being.

Anyway, at this lunch with Lois, Rinna gifts the other ladies with Dusters from her eponymous collection. They all gush over the presents while adoring the senior citizen at the table. They particularly envy her ability to chow down on pancakes as they all push salad around their plates and reach for the Adderall in their respective pocketbooks.

Later on, the Housewives go to Kyle’s house where she is holding a seance with her favorite psychic, Rebecca. Lisa Vanderpump is there as well and she’s mourning the loss of “Pink Dog.” It is a loss that has hit her and her husband Ken quite hard. Ken blames himself and says that he should have seen it coming, while LVP explains that it was completely unexpected and there was no way to know. She shares that another one of her dogs is now struggling and is on a ventilator. I cannot help but think that it may be time for LVP to hire Shannon Beador’s feng shui lady and put nine lemons in a bowl STAT.

Rebecca The Psychic then tells the ladies she has a direct telephone line to God who she calls “Papa God.” This freaked me out because as I mentioned above, there truly is a Twilight Zone episode where a little boy’s telephone line goes directly to his recently deceased grandma. Teddi is a skeptic just like I am, but Rebecca is able to tap into something with her emotionally when she mentions the loss of a friend during childhood. At that point, the suppressed memory of a friend Teddi lost in sixth grade resurfaces. She’s happy that this was something that Rebecca brought up, even if the “psychic” is a total crock.

From the “Long Distance Call” episode of The Twilight Zone

Rebecca also connects with Lisa’s dogs and mentions “Pink Dog” – at which point she says she saw LVP tweet about her loss that very morning. Now this was a very revealing moment for me because psychics don’t normally discuss checking things out on social media. And if Rebecca is perusing Twitter, then who is to say she’s not checking Ancestry.com, Lexis Nexis, Government Databases…even simply Googling for information?

After the psychic readings, Erika announces that the ladies will all be going to Berlin and she even manages a quasi-apology to Teddi for her earlier outburst as she invites her along. Berlin is an interesting choice for a trip and I can’t help imagining how Siggy Flicker would have reacted had the location been proposed on last season’s RHONJ (Google: History of Berlin and the Jewish people). I don’t think it would have gone over well at all, but the Beverly Hills ladies are excited. I went to Germany once and my luggage got lost and was never returned. I’ll never forget that because it was devastating – That was back in my 20s when I had incredible, expensive clothing and gave more than a damn about fashion. I came home with a brand new German wardrobe since I needed to shop for things to wear to my meetings.

I’m no psychic but my prediction with RHOBH is that there will be more tension up ahead between Erika and Teddi….

Actually, it was Twitter that gave me that indication. Rebecca and I have something in common.

Bravo TV, Reality TV

#RHOBH recap: “Do You Really Want To Make Me Cry?” (Ep. 813)

This week’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills began in reverse. We are at dinner and we see Teddi storming out upset and in tears with LVP trailing behind her. Just like a newly inducted sorority member, Teddi is experiencing the rough initiation and inevitable hazing she was wholly unprepared for. As with previous seasons, the unconscious root of the major problem is Queen Bee LVP. The competition to be her prized pet is a fierce one. Her latest “broken bird” is “Teddi Bear”, the object of her much doting focus. So, there is fallout because that much- coveted spot once belonged to Dorit Kemsley.

We rewind to see what led up to this disastrous dinner where Teddi has stormed out upset with Erika and Lisa has run after her.

In the time leading up to this, there have been several mini events. The first of these is Eileen Davidson meeting with Erika and Lisa Rinna. Eileen has been hard at work as a soap opera star and she has also wisely come to the realization that drama and the act of clashing with characters is best left in the scripted realm. With this newfound solace, the former Real Housewife allows herself a generous guffaw when her old cast mates, Erika and Rinna, relate they’re getting along fantastically with Dorit.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help but laugh,” Eileen titters. It’s more amusing than Jesse Van Patten popping out of a hamper or a suitcase to entertain himself as his mother films all day. I will miss those Jesse scenes, but Eileen is doing alright without this extra show. Erika makes the offhanded remark that she’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. Eileen says it will be a boot.

Later, Teddi meets Rinna for manicures and pedicures and Rinna relates how nice it is that she just met up with Dorit, how they are getting along terrifically, and how this is something she never would’ve envisioned last year. Teddi the Accountability Coach, who is always concerned about being on time and has made “time” a major storyline, (in a vapid season greatly lacking in storylines) decides to bring up something that transpired 3 long months before.

Now what one should be aware of is that three months in Housewives terms is the equivalent of 3 years. You can be friends with someone in May and totally despise them by August. Things turn on a dime and a woman seriously has to keep up.

Anyway…Teddi says she feels compelled to tell Rinna that Dorit and PK were talking smack about her when she and Edwin dined at their house. Rinna is very measured and reasonable about this in response. She says she knows they’ve said worse things and she’s already aware that PK once called her “schizophrenic” which he reiterated at the dinner.

The reality of the situation is that Teddi knows Rinna will see all that was said when it airs on RHOBH. I believe that was her main motivation in telling Rinna what occurred 3 months prior. Keeping that in mind, I guess I cannot entirely blame her. Initially though, I was questioning why she brought it up and felt she should know better with this clawing crew. Teddi has said in press interviews that she never actually watched the show before she came to be a star on it. If that is to be believed, it’s another plausible explanation.

In this episode we also see Dorit meet with Erika, and Kyle and Mauricio discuss the possibility of moving to a new house. When Erika and Dorit meet at the Girardi home, we discover that Erika has prepared a tasty spread that the ladies then proceed to pretend to eat. They seem to be clicking and bonding…because now there is a new Housewife to throw under the bus and gossip about, Teddi Mellencamp.

As she explains to Erika, Dorit feels that Teddi has to discuss everything and go around in circles while Teddi says this is exactly what Dorit is doing. They each are not a fan of the other’s talking. Erika points out that Dorit seems competitive for LVP’s love and attention, which Dorit totally cops to. Erika’s eye-roll in her testimonial says it all.

In the meantime, Kyle and Mauricio have been making all of these renovations to their home and you would think that the end result would be to live there…Well, you would be wrong. They’re considering moving into a whole new palace worth over $8M. Their youngest daughter Porscha says she would love to move so she can reorder her room. Think about it: if your room is currently a mess and you want it neat and organized, moving to a new place is an easy way out…

if you’re rich.

Later on, Mauricio takes Kyle to see the house they’re considering buying. He lets her know that they have to move quickly on this because there have been other offers.

We also get to see a meeting that Dorit and PK have with executives in charge of Dorit’s swimwear line. It turns out that Boy George is an investor which has viewers taking to social media to express their bewilderment. I’ve also seen him tweet a lot in defense and support of Dorit. I never thought an 80s music icon would be so connected to this franchise.

Back at La Casa Kemsley, Dorit gets a call from Teddi asking if she’d like to ride with her to where the ladies will be having drinks. Teddi has something she wants to discuss with Dorit. The latter assents and we see her sigh and roll her eyes heavenward. “We have to talk about the conversation about the conversation about the conversation” Dorit groans to the cameras. It’s a statement that sums up the season impeccably thus far.

The ladies all meet up and Camille is there too, now a regular part of this group when they are all together. Camille also seems to be an advocate for Teddi who is about to bear the brunt of her costars’ agitations.

It seems that Erika and Rinna have coordinated their outfits too, unless black sequins are really in fashion and this can be deemed a coincidence. I, for one, never got the memo.

Kyle informs LVP that she and Mauricio bought that $8M house. LVP is happy for her but sad she hasn’t gotten to see it first. Kyle also explains that she’s only there for a bit because she’s off to see Hamilton with Porscha. Teddi will later be wishing she was invited to attend the showing of Hamilton. Rinna then mentions that her mom is coming into town and she would like to take everybody out to lunch with her.

Kyle excuses herself before the shit hits the fan and Camille checks with Dorit to see if she’s still upset about the passive aggressive ball gag gift. No, says Dorit, but if there’s a problem why don’t we nip it in the bud when it happens…rather than weeks to months later?! This brings Dorit to the conversation that she and Teddi just had on their ride over.

The drama then erupts because Teddi wasn’t planning on having this harping session with Dorit in front of the ladies. She had hoped it was limited to the car and then over, but Teddi is so ill prepared for these ladies and this show! We flash back to that car ride and Teddi comes clean about her conversation with Rinna about the conversation that took place at Dorit and PK’s lambasting Rinna. It truly is “conversations about conversations about conversations.” As I said…

This leads to a discussion of how Teddi thinks her hands are clean but that she keeps stirring up trouble by repeating what the other ladies have said. Erika is on Dorit’s side and then Teddi reminds Erika of an earlier conversation (about LVP) where Erika backed Teddi. Erika has forgotten about that conversation and Teddi refers to it as “amnesia.” At this remark, Erika explodes at Teddi, stating that she simply forgot and is not a liar. But we really see Erika’s temper at its apex and how she can overreact. For viewers, this immediately conjures up an image of her reacting to Eileen last season when the subject of her son, the police officer, was brought up. It is time for this group to disband, but Teddi is visibly shaken by Erika’s volatile and extreme outburst. She just wants to get away as fast as humanly possible.

As utterly ludicrous as Dorit can be, we see that she has more compassion than Erika at the end of this dinner as she tries to console Teddi before LVP takes over. Erika tells Dorit to let Teddi go, that she’ll be fine. In her testimonial, Erika calls Teddi a “cry baby” and let’s us know – despite Rinna’s thoughts to the contrary – that she will NOT be apologizing. Don’t count on it.

Next week: Lunch with Lois and the loss of a Vanderpump pup.

Bravo TV, Reality TV

#RHOBH recap: The Punishment Fits the Whine (And That Glass isn’t for THAT Wine!), Ep. 812

This week’s episode of “The Real Filler Scenes of Beverly Hills” was actually titled “Gag gift.” However, I decided to opt for something different above. What I wrote is a tribute to Dorit’s complaints about LVP’s treatment of her. Dorit believes in an excess of everything except moderation, as her tagline states, so it’s unsurprising that she ends up overdoing it in her efforts to get back in LVP’s good graces. But first we begin with Camille Grammer. Yes, again. Camille is not technically a “Housewife” this season because she again has been billed as a “friend of.” However, this is the second episode in a row to start with a scene featuring the formerly “most hated Housewife” and now beloved cast member. She might as well get to hold a diamond next to the other ladies.

We learn that Camille hasn’t been feeling too stellar about her body post cancer. She underwent a hysterectomy, has experienced other physical changes due to the treatment and although she looks enviably terrific, she just isn’t feeling it.

So Lisa Rinna takes Camille to a lingerie boutique and the two prance around in provocative and very uncomfortable looking garments only designed to entice before being tossed across the bedroom. Camille ends up spending over $1300, excited to show the loot to her new beau. These women do not have an ounce of cellulite and nothing jiggles. It’s very disconcerting to say the least, but I truly am happy and teary watching Camille who has not only survived cancer, but seems to have survived (or bypassed) the metabolic struggle that strikes women over the age of 44. She looks beautiful and it feels well-deserved.

We go to the restaurant Fig & Olive where Kyle is meeting up with Erika. Kyle has just gotten some positive press for the show she’s developed, Glass Houses, and Erika compliments her on the achievement. She fills Kyle in on her husband Tom’s condition following his car accident. He’s undergoing Physical Therapy and getting out there to do some legal speaking opportunities. They then segue as they always do so well to a completely unrelated subject, LVP’s upcoming birthday. Should they get her a pet flamingo? She could use something of that ilk for her ever-expanding house-zoo it seems.

And just like that, it’s “’Bubba??’…’Yes, Bubba’” time as we make our way over to La Casa Kemsley. The house may or may not actually belong to the couple. There we see that Dorit and PK have inanely stolen Tom Schwartz (of Vanderpump Rules) and Katie Maloney’s sole term of endearment for one another. And it turns out that while Dorit was away, PK decided to play….with her swimsuit business that is. He decided that the Hebrew name “Navah” was a crap one for the line. So it is now called “Beverly Beach.” There’s actually no such place as Beverly Beach, but in PK’s fantasies it’s their romantic getaway destination and therefore a proper (read the word “proper” in an English accent) name for a swimsuit company. PK has also concluded that the line should be more affordable to all and not so exclusive.

Should we expect to see a “Beverly Beach” line for Target? Well, I’m calling it right now. Keep an eye and ear out for an announcement in a few short months.

This was quite the Joe Gorga maneuver on PK’s part. If you watch Real Housewives of New Jersey, then you know that Joe bought a pizzeria without first consulting Melissa and filling her in on all the details…Including the fact that he wanted her to be working there! Well, in this case PK was just supposed to be a substitute and not entirely change his wife’s business, but now….”Name Change” (as the ole Danielle Staub quote famously goes). Dorit rolls her eyes and this is not the way she wanted it to go, but she is rolling with it (she ended up keeping the name PK chose) and prepping herself mentally for LVP’s birthday party. That quickly becomes the topic of this couple’s conversation. Dorit is trying to figure out how she’ll be able to kiss up to the RHOBH matriarch. LVP hasn’t been entirely pleased with Dorit and she can certainly hold a grudge. We see that from the snarky LVP barbs aimed at Dorit that are up ahead.

At Camille’s house, she is getting ready to host the ladies. Fragrances will be sold to benefit the Foundation for Women’s cancer. While the event begins with the noble cause of raising funds for charity, it quickly devolves into cattiness and minor chaos. Dorit expresses her displeasure with Teddi for relaying the events of arguments to Kyle who then passed the details along to LVP. It’s interesting to see how Dorit is now confiding in and venting to her former nemesis Erika Jayne. The two have forged some type of bond, while Erika certainly sleeps with one eye open these days.

Teddi now has to endure all of Dorit’s excessive harping as Lisa, always on the hunt for pretty young things to protectively take under her wing, sticks up for Teddi. Dorit actually straddles LVP on a couch begging for her undying friendship and professing her love to epic proportions. She needs to make everything right RIGHT NOW and LVP sees how terribly juvenile this is. Does Dorit realize she is not a cast member on Vanderpump Rules? All of Dorit’s asinine antics seem like overkill to LVP. She desperately plots her escape from this party, but still has to see Dorit soon at her birthday celebration.

It is at that event (planned by “she she she” fat-shaming Kevin Lee) where LVP has some serious shenanigans in store for her younger friend – or should we say “frenemy” now?

While Dorit was able to dish it out all last season to Erika during the insufferably lengthy “Pantygate” debacle, she is unable to take it. First Lisa hands her champagne in an atrocious green cup and we know how particular Dorit is about her drinking glasses, but then Camille hands her a gift from the lingerie shop, a ball gag device of some sort (pardon me for my unfamiliarity. It can be argued that I need to spice it up in my own bedroom).

The gift is a clear dig at Dorit for her “strap on” comment about Camille at an earlier dinner. Camille makes that known to both Dorit and PK. Erika has a good laugh in her testimonial about how Dorit should really be able to take this entirely as a joke because of what she subjected Erika to last season, even gifting Erika a pair panties (I positively loathe the word “panties,” for the record.)

As LVP is opening all her gifts, it’s clear that Teddi’s furry pink bare back pad for horse riding is the favorite. I was actually quite impressed by how clever this pick was! It’s also clear that Teddi – who Lisa refers to as “Teddi Bear”- is the new favorite. Dorit doesn’t seem too thrilled about this in light of Lisa’s ongoing digs sent her way. Even PK seems a bit jealous when he says to Teddi: “You’re ‘Teddi Bear’ now but can be ‘Teddi Bitch’ in a nanosecond.” In all fairness, that IS how Housewives works and Teddi’s clever and quick response shows that she knows it too. I do believe PK is acting petty on his wife’s behalf.

The birthday lunch is awkward overall and Dorit decides she has had enough celebrating for one evening. It is high time for her to vamoose.

In the final scene, Lisa enters a photo shoot for her jewelry line that will appear in Beverly Hills Lifestyle Magazine. She assess the model sprawled on a couch and expresses how impressed she is. That’s when we discover that Dorit’s prior shoot with the same magazine was all for naught. Dorit was not pleased with how her pictures turned out and she made a stink, so the editor decided to put the kibosh on the project.

I couldn’t help but feel a smidgen of sympathy (just that minute amount before you rush to judgement) for Dorit here. I’ve had pictures of myself that I wasn’t pleased with. What do you do if you greatly dislike and feel self-conscious about your own photos? For me, it entailed years of begging my mother to take those childhood photos off the walls of my parents’ home. I hope she didn’t view me as a “diva” the way people regard Dorit. But readers, she did remove those atrocious photos and replaced them with more flattering ones.

NEXT UP…

It will be interesting to see if LVP warms up to Dorit and goes easier on her in next week’s episode, or if she continues to take jabs and the tension and madness escalates. I heard before this season began airing that Erika and Teddi were not getting along at all and it seems from the previews that we’ll be getting insight into that “story-line” as well. My only hope is that the story-lines are a bit more fine tuned so that they seem authentic and not like filler scenes. The only thing we can do is tune in and see…

…which is how Bravo gets you hooked on vapid reality television!

Bravo TV, Reality TV

#RHOBH Recap: Thank You, Thuck You (Episode 811)

Better late than never? Well, this time. I decided that I wanted to write a recap of the last episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills in an effort to figure out exactly what is happening. Brian Moylan of Vulture.com affectionately calls the show “Rich Women Doing Things” because in many ways it seems to be a show about nothing except that. But, let’s explore by breaking the latest episode down….

One of the few great things to come out of Camille Grammer’s relationship with Kelsey (aside from alimony and becoming one of our favorite things about RHOBH after being ignored by her ex in her inaugural season) is daughter Mason. The episode begins with Mason walking the runway in a NYC fashion show and I’m baffled by the fact that Camille is not a “Housewife” this season rather than a “friend of.” We’re getting a lot of Camille and in her incredibly monotone and reserved manner, she is offending no one. In other scenes, we see that she is clearly wary of Dorit and Dorit’s big mouth. In this episode however, she is focused on her modelesque offspring who does a fantastic job making her way down the catwalk in a 20 pound dress. That is talent.

Mason looks a lot like Kelsey, but not in an unfortunate way. She’s much prettier and has an Elle/Dakota Fanning thing going on.

Right before the fashion show, the ladies pile into a van and no one is speaking. The tension is so thick because of the ridiculous arguments the ladies engaged in during last week’s episode. Lisa Rinna is visibly THRILLED that this drama has nothing to do with her for once and it has strictly been between Kyle, Dorit and Lisa Vanderpump. She was tipsy from alcohol the night before and is still unclear what all the arguing was about (as are we!). She’s desperate to get the low down, but struggles to keep herself in check.

…That is, until she joins Kyle while the latter is getting faux bobbed by Julius Michael and face primed by Priscilla Distasio. The hairdresser and the makeup artist are a duo that are frequently requested by Bravolebrities before Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen. This is a little like Breaking the 4th Beauty Parlor Wall. They have both worked on Rinna, LVP and Kyle Richards in the past. They can also be credited with many of the Vanderpump Rules and Real Housewives of New Jersey looks. And yes, you have in fact seen Priscilla on RHONJ as Teresa’s makeup artist teasing Milania about her hyperactivity level. It’s nice to see this team getting some well-deserved PR by appearing in this episode (as well as the last one) of RHOBH. Rinna leans over to eat up all the gossip Kyle has to share. She’s just missing a box of popcorn in hand.

Next we see Dorit trying to smooth things over with LVP while she sports a red leather mini to showcase significant thigh gap and a blood sucker shirt to signify she’s a victim of some sort. It’s clear to me that these ladies don’t eat and they exercise at least twice per day. It’s unrealistic to be that skinny over the age of 40…..if you actually ingest calories. Dorit tries to get back in LVP’s good graces, but then the older woman drops a bombshell: Her friendship with Dorit is important because she prides her relationship with PK over it all. Really? PK?! Well, yes. Apparently they go way back and have a circle of British chums in common.

Speaking of British, the most interesting thing about this episode was that when Bethenny Frankel is at an event held at Kyle’s NYC store, Kyle by Alene Too, she acts as if she thinks Dorit is British rather than from Connecticut. Should we believe that Bethenny has such limited knowledge and doesn’t actually watch RHOBH? Fast forward to a WWHL episode and Bethenny concedes she doesn’t watch the show, but had met Dorit with her husband PK and 80s icon Boy George and assumed the entire party was English. But Back at Kyle by Alene Too, Lisa Vanderpump thinks Bethenny is full of shit. The latter butts into the ridiculous arguments the ladies are having and points out LVP’s inability to apologize. LVP is so focused on the fact that she can stand up for herself against RHONY Queen Bee Bethenny that she is not issuing any apologies. She leaves the boutique with her pride intact and a faux fur red coat that Dorit feels would suit her better since it matches her bright red lipstick.

While Bethenny’s strategy for talking sense into LVP has been largely ineffective, the reasonable (too much so for a castmate of this show) Accountability Coach Teddi visits Lisa at her home once the ladies are back in Beverly Hills. Somehow, Teddi is able to get through to LVP about the fact that Dorit spews a lot of nonsense and gets off the hook while Kyle becomes the casualty in the process. LVP agrees to sit down with Kyle and finally listen to her and provide her with some acknowledgement.

Kyle and Lisa then meet for dinner. When faced with the question of whether Lisa favors Dorit and therefore gives her a pass, Lisa explains that she’s harder on Kyle because they’ve known each other longer and have more history together. It really seems as if LVP is scrambling to figure out the social dynamics and how to express her loyalties. She also reiterates that she has too much invested and “at stake” with her longterm relationship with PK. I’ve decided that this season is most definitely titled “The Real Filler Scenes of Beverly Hills” because it seems like they’re arguing about a whole lot of nothing. At least, nothing that LVP wants to be arguing about. She is as baffled as we are. Nevertheless, she gives Kyle the most contrite apology she can possibly muster.

Next Episode: Rinna and Camille prance around in lingerie with nary a tad of cellulite, but don’t expect them to share diet tips. Dorit straddles LVP in an effort to have a conversation. Camille throws Dorit shade…and finally, LVP does the same causing Dorit to storm out of a dinner party.

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Category Archives: Bravo TV

#RHOP: Monique Samuels Launches ‘Not For Lazy Moms’ Parenting Site

#RHOBH Recap: Heaven Help Us! (Ep. 814)

#RHOBH recap: “Do You Really Want To Make Me Cry?” (Ep. 813)

#RHOBH recap: The Punishment Fits the Whine (And That Glass isn’t for THAT Wine!), Ep. 812

#RHOBH Recap: Thank You, Thuck You (Episode 811)