The Brace

As a new school year started, teachers debuted new haircuts and new curricula, leaves changed in the recess field, and in seventh grade, bra straps showed through diaphanous Ts. It was the pre-Claire Danes era of 1987, yet it was “my so-called life.” I walked up the steps to my new classroom, ramrod straight lest my big plastic secret rear its ugly head.

While former awkward ducklings turned into pre-pubescent swans around me, while retainers and headgears were discarded to the dismay of thriving orthodontists, while Accutane showed promise but still no risk, I remained the Outsider. In an oversized rugby, a cornstarched body underneath a cotton tanktop, to protect me from what was underneath all that — an underarm back brace — I prayed to be invisible.

I had been wearing the brace for a year now, and I never stopped being on high alert, not for one iota of a millisecond.

“Hey Shira, what’s that?” Knock, knock. “Oh, never mind. Ha ha ha!” The blood would rush to my face when I realized that the knocking was on my brace, and then I felt drained of that blood. I couldn’t possibly stand any straighter to hide it. They knew.

The taunts from “the clique” (our terms for the most popular girls and boys of the grade) were few because mostly they left me completely alone. Being seen speaking with me would be the social kiss of death. I was one of the nerds and not worthy of their time, so teasing carried risk to one’s social status.

Then that summer I went to camp. The kids were different there. They thought I had beautiful eyes and told me so, they saw that I was sincere and kind, and they saw me. Still, I couldn’t seem to stand up straighter, and sometimes, I would rebelliously stash the brace under my bed and leave the bunk without it just to be free. A weight was lifted during those times, and I had to remind myself to act free and shake the stiffness.

The other girls my age were wearing their first bras, so I, too, strategically placed my bra straps so that they would show. I was a cool girl now, and I was growing up with the rest of them.

But once fall started again, new teachers came in with new attitudes, and the same students from the year before ignored me. It seemed that the teachers favored them for being pretty and having minds unmuddled by confidence issues. Those minds were the tabula rasa for excellent grades, and those students exuded exclusivity.

Every Friday night, my mother reminded me that I had only one school year to go, that I would be entering high school soon, and, she reminded me, I still had to wear the brace. It was correcting the curvature of my spine — my scoliosis — and I was lucky because I would grow up to have a straight spine and great posture and not be an uncomfortable hunchback (she didn’t actually say the last part, but I knew the implications of wearing the brace through its course).

My grandmother cursed the “stinkin’ rotten children” who were making me cry, and I felt that she alone was my true ally. She knew bad times. After all, she had lived through the Great Depression. I compared my new bully, a male classmate who had begun the ritual of kicking me under the desk (hard!), to Adolf Hitler without worrying about the hyperbole, and we bonded some more.

I chose the high school that was furthest away, the one that nobody from my class was considering. I didn’t pay attention to any other details about it except that it was the most remote and unlikely choice for a fellow classmate. While the new school had an ideology that was furthest from my own, I didn’t care. I made friends, and shortly after starting my first semester, I got great news: I only had to wear the brace at night. My secret could really be my secret now; no one had a chance of seeing it poke out in the rare moment when I forgot to stand robotically erect.

And then I found boys. I was in an all-girls school, but I met members of the opposite gender through friends. I enjoyed flirting and being admired and finding out what the opposite sex really thought of me when they didn’t know. There was definitely “a type” of boy and then, eventually, young man that I liked. In short: a jerk. It was time to make the boy who kicked me under the table sorry; it was time to make him see me for who I really was..

Unsurprisingly, that didn’t work out too well, and in retrospect, it was a short-lived phase.

At 15, the brace was fully off, but I still felt braced, guarded, insecure. I wondered if the popular-seeming people found me interesting enough, and I wondered so much that my thinking was cloudy. I was blocked, and some saw that I was blocked — and distanced themselves. And I did a little dance: withdraw, act free, withdraw, act free. I was inconsistent and puzzling to the people around me. Yet, I did make a few good friends, and eventually, I stopped caring about being popular and just focused on those great friendships. And then, I stopped thinking about how I was acting. And soon it wasn’t acting; it was being.

Eventually, I made many friends and more friendly acquaintances, and I realized that once I had shed my consciousness of social status and being popular, I actually was popular.

I also came to discover what a great relationship with a man consisted of, and although I continued to make mistakes in that department (off and on until prior to meeting my husband), I changed my tune — and my “type.”

I still have dreams about the brace. I threw it out so long ago, in a garbage can outside my parents’ home (I didn’t even wonder if it needed to be in recycling), but as clear as day it shows up some nights.

It is there when I meet new people whom I am unsure about. It is there when my judgement is questioned, when my children’s teachers chastise me for being late to pick-up. It is there when I accentuate my figure and realize that I’m accentuating my figure because I want to show it, because I hid it for so long when I was younger (and later on, in pregnancies). It is there when I question why I haven’t accomplished all my professional goals or why I haven’t published the novel I wrote in 2001. It is there as I write this now and wonder what you’ll think. You see, I can’t stop bracing myself.

Under my arm, cutting into my skin, velcroed behind my back, the memory is vivid.

It is there, but it is also not.

(Photo by Scoliosis Support on Instagram)

Moms, Television

#Netflix: Grace & Frankie’s June Diane Raphael Is Just As Amazing Off-Screen: An Interview

(I originally wrote this article for Huffington Post.)

I recently interviewed Peter Cambor of Showtime’s Roadies who also plays Barry, boyfriend of Brianna on Netflix’s hit series Grace & Frankie. While chatting with Cambor’s publicist, I casually mentioned that I am also a big fan of June Diane Raphael who plays Brianna on G&F.

At the time, I considered my admission terribly geeky and was not expecting what I heard in response: “Would you like to interview her?” Uh, hells yeah!

The hilarious Raphael is not only on my radar screen for Grace & Frankie where she shines alongside Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, Martin Sheen and Sam Waterston, but since I began my foray into the wonderful world of podcasts, I have listened to her as a guest (Bitch Sesh and Ronna & Beverly) and a co-host with her husband, comedian Paul Scheer (How Did this Get Made?). I have also seen her play a realtor on Netflix’s quirky comedy series Lady Dynamite and have caught up retroactively on earlier work she produced with co-writer and best friend, comedian Casey Wilson (the movie Ass Backwards).

Sometimes when you speak with someone you admire, it’s a let-down – like that certain 90s actor who blew ringlets of smoke in my face and asked me to go on some more about how I liked his work. However, chatting with Raphael was everything I had hoped for and more. She started off our phone conversation by saying she has a “dear friend named Shira Weiss” (sister in law to Casey Wilson who also guested on a Bitch Sesh episode) so it had been funny to see my name in the emails preceding our interview. Instantly, she felt like a “friend in my head” (to quote Wendy Williams) with her endearingly warm tone, humility and the way you could tell she really listens when you talk.

An extremely busy mom to an almost 2 year old with another child on the way, she is currently filming season 3 of Grace & Frankie and spends a lot of time writing comedy when not filming, so we spoke early in the morning for 20 minutes.

SW: I came to know you through Grace & Frankie but as a Bitch Sesh fan, I went & caught up on your prior work, particularly with Casey Wilson. How has being on such a hit show with Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin changed your

day-to-day and your fame?

JDR: There’s a misconception that actors and writers in the alternative comedy scene want to avoid the more mainstream. It’s not true for me. I pursued it, but this is the first thing that I’m in that really became a hit in this way. I have to say it’s nice to alternate between different types of comedy. I’ve always felt so supported by the comedy fan community who has been with me since the early days, really smart people who will follow you to the ends of the earth. They have been amazing with feedback and with recommending my work to others who wouldn’t necessarily find it. People who follow more mainstream comedy will say “Who is she and where did she pop up from?” but I’ve actually been doing this for a while so it’s really nice and flattering to be newly discovered by these people who knew nothing about me. Overall, I don’t feel any different. More opportunities are coming my way. More people have seen G&F who are just now seeking out old work I did. As far as ‘fame,’ I can still walk down the street with a lot of ease and comfort.

My dad watches this show and that has felt like great support. His peer group loves it and he loves it! It’s addressing issues that he and his friends are dealing with. On a very personal level, that validation from a parent has been great. The show means a lot to our parents, addressing some stuff that’s not really talked about. It’s been nice to see that they feel represented, which they should.

SW: From what I read, you just announced that your second child is on the way. What’s it like filming Seasion 3 of G & F during a pregnancy & juggling new motherhood?

JDR: I feel supported with the pregnancy. The struggle I’m having, to be honest, is with really putting my body out there. With Season 1, I had just had a baby and now I’m pregnant. I’m not feeling like myself and how I would present myself given the choice. Some women drop pounds from breastfeeding, but I didn’t start losing weight until I stopped. Suddenly, I was the heaviest I’d ever been now doing a job that was going to reach the most people. The reality is that it’s totally normal to have baby weight and I was where I should be: If it takes a year to put on that weight, it should take a year to lose it. So physically putting myself out there in a very public way and not feeling like myself has been challenging. That said, I always say that I have it easier than so many working mothers, and very often when you’ve worked so very hard, the time when you achieve success coincides with when you start a family. While it can be challenging having a young child to take care of while working, I’m not being filmed every day on the show like Jane and Lily are and I have a certain freedom. Though I will say that when I’m not being filmed, I’m busy with my writing career. With my son who is almost 2, I’m feeling a lot more confident today about how I divide my time. And now of course, I am headed into another transition.

Having a child has probably been one of the best things for me because there’s a certain amount of freedom – a not caring what people think. I have this child and know I don’t want to be gone too much so I’ve achieved a balance. If he’s ok, then I’m ok. I’m feeling a lot more freedom to fail. It can actually free you as an artist because you have a different perspective.

SW: You and Casey Wilson (comedian and Bitch Sesh Co-Host) are writing partners and have a certain style as women who are goofy and don’t worry about being ladylike, kind of like Wedding Crashers humor but with girls acting “ass backwards.” With that preamble, how do you want to go down in history as a comedian?

JDR: Well, the movie Ass Backwards we co-wrote (and acted in) and is about the two of us in New York based on our real experiences there and the delusions and dysfunctions of that time period. Of course, we did this with heightened characters. I have such a love of physical comedy and think things can be as broad as possible as long as they’re rooted in some sort of reality. I’m not really as interested in that sort of Indian Sundance comedy…. I enjoy comedies that are going for hard jokes. That said, some of the stuff we’re writing is so different because we’re different. We’’re very curious about female friendships and what goes on, which is Bravo’s ‘Real Housewives’ is so interesting, how they are so aware of themselves being seen on TV as the seasons go on, and it’s actually so funny to get a look into this world. I am absolutely fascinated by female interactions and that will be the crux of my work. The humor in Casey and my work is different because we’re different and want to showcase those type of female friendships. We really do have so much fun together.

SW: You’re married to comedian Paul Scheer. How did you guys meet?

JDR: Paul and I met at the Upright Citizens Brigade in New York. Paul came to see Casey and my performance since he was one of the mainstays of the theater – He was called on to give us feedback on our performance.

SW: How did the opportunity for Grace & Frankie arise?

JDR: Grace & Frankie came along when I was postpartum lying on the couch. It t was the one script I read and I decided I had to go in and audition for.

SW: I think I’m funny, but one of my son’s cringes with embarrassment sometimes. I’m sure that has to be a little different when both parents are professional comics. How do you envision your kids reacting to their parents’ humor as they get older?

JDR: I grew up in a family where my parents were not comedians. My mom worked as a teacher and my dad was in construction. They weren’t into comedy necessarily but were the funniest people I knew. There was such a premium put on making each other laugh at the dinner table. I don’t really care if my kids see my work – I actually hope that they don’t see a lot of it (laughs) – but I hope for a family dynamic that includes

sharing a lot of laughter.

SW: Some quick words on the podcast “Ronna & Beverly” where 2 comedians are in character as older Jewish women with thick Boston accents. They are hilarious and I know you were a guest. I want to turn my friends on to listening to this absolutely brilliant show— What can you say about these fellow comedians as if you were promoting them? What would your advice be so I can get my friends to listen?

JDR: They do have a really committed fan base which you see at their crowded live shows, but their podcast is not as well-known as it should be. All of us in this group of female comedians based in LA have been on each other’s podcast and are friends (this network includes and is not limited to: Jamie Denbo and Jessica Chaffin who play Beverly and Ronna respectively, as well as comedians Jessica St. Claire and Melissa Rauch.) I’m really proud of that and it’s pretty special how everyone is there for one another.

SW: I wish I were funny enough because I’d love to somehow break into that group!

JDR: (laughs) It’s a pretty elite group. Everyone is so super talented that I’m so happy that I, myself can actually be a part of it. But most importantly, it’s so incredible how everyone in this group of women is so supportive of one another!

You can listen to June Diane Raphael on the podcast How Did this Get Made? & if you haven’t seen it, now’s the time to binge watch Seasons of Grace & Frankie on Netflix.

Bravo TV, Reality TV

#SouthernCharm: Rumors of a Ravenel Firing

According to Amy Feinstein of Inquistr.com, rumors are flying about a Thomas Ravenel firing from the Bravo show Southern Charm. It’s been a tough time for one gossip site that’s been chomping at the bit and working overtime to malign TRav’s sexual assault accusers and paint him in a favorable light. They are quite unique in this regard as others are believing the women alleged to have been victimized by Ravenel.

However, online observers have noted that the above-referenced curmudgeons of the reality TV gossip site have shifted focus to other reality characters, perhaps knowing the Ravenel story is now beyond resuscitation.

As Amy Feinstein writes: Bloggers and commentators on social media have declared that Thomas has been fired from Southern Charm. However, as of now there has been no official announcement from Bravo or from Haymaker productions.

Developing story. Stay tuned.

Bravo TV, Reality TV, Television

#SouthernCharm: More from Luzanne Otte Who BRIEFLY Dated Thomas Ravenel

Since my last post about Southern Charm, I have had certain haters come out of hiding. (Last post: https://wordpress.com/post/shirasgotthescoop.com/482) These are not people I know IRL (as the kids say, the abbreviation for “In Real Life”), so it’s alright for the most part. These are the types of individuals who use cartoons of animals as profile pics and pseudonyms to protect their real identities. They’ve made sure to rub it in that there is no longer a Huffington Post Contributor platform for the 100k writers who were on it. Some of them even claim to be responsible for the Huffington Post no longer having that platform – they say it’s because of a Housewives show on Bravo that I reviewed unfavorably. Now THAT would be quite a feat if it were true! Instead it’s laughable to think that a small group objecting to some show recaps I wrote sank an entire platform of 100K writers.

Simultaneously, there have been so many clues that actually STARE YOU IN THE FACE so you know exactly who these people – these “trolls” – are. It’s clear that the folks who are now tweeting about me since I interviewed Luzanne either work for Thomas Ravenel or conduct some pro-bono activity on his (and his girlfriend Ashley Jacobs’) behalf.

In other news, today there were questions raised by bloggers as to whether Luzanne was auditioned for the show Southern Charm. Luzanne swears to me that because of her insane 9-5 job working for the archdiocese and an overall lack of desire to be on television, she was clear about it never working out in a million years when Patricia Altschul and Thomas alluded to the possibility.

Tamara Tattles wrote this great piece in support of Luzanne. However, she also questioned whether Luzanne auditioned for the show: http://tamaratattles.com/2018/05/24/my-post-about-the-luzanne-otte-situation/. I respectfully agree to disagree on certain topics with Tamara Tattles, but I commend her on her overall support of and belief in Luzanne Otte who became an unwitting victim of salacious (and false) website gossip. Her article was well-written.

I asked Luzanne today about the whole notion of “auditioning” for the show and here is exactly how she responded to me:

“Not at all. I thought Thomas was trying to become a better man and looking for a strong woman to help him get there. I really thought he’d turned over a new leaf. It wasn’t until sitting with Pat and Thomas when I kept saying I wouldn’t be on the show, then the look on his face and not hearing me that I realized he may be looking for a woman to redeem himself. ‘Look I’ve got this debutante, church lawyer, friend of Pat’s who likes me.’ But the fact of the matter is, even if I didn’t object to reality TV, I love my job and need a job to pay my bills.”

On a related note, FitsNews.com recently reported that Thomas Ravenel has been in a depressed, anxious and highly agitated state since the sexual assault allegations came to light (Luzanne’s disclosure – let the record state – was NOT at all sexual in nature. She spoke of a Jekyll and Hyde switch from sweet by day to volatile at night). Sources in Charleston and others in the know, tell me exclusively that he’s been fretting significantly since the interviews with Luzanne ran yesterday and the day before. He’s been trying to figure out the best ways to do some damage control, say these sources.

As for the sexual assault allegations and the resulting “investigation,” at this point we are waiting for an update from Charleston Police. Sources in the know tell me that Bravo has stated: What a reality TV personality does off camera is none of their concern.

I sincerely hope that those sources have gotten it all wrong here: Rape (as Nanny Dawn alleges in the statement she brought to the Charleston PD) is something to take with extreme gravity. Bravo is part of NBC Universal, so it seems ironic to me that Matt Lauer was so quickly dismissed from the network when more serious accusations currently plague Thomas Ravenel. We think of all the men who were immediately let go during this #MeToo and #TimesUp era: Mario Batali, Charlie Rose, Kevin Spacey and so many, many more. See this list: https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/sexual-misconduct/weinstein-here-s-growing-list-men-accused-sexual-misconduct-n816546 .

I’m happy that after months of being unjustly maligned by gossip sites (allegedly ones that ate up sordid tales fed to them by TRav and Ashley), Luzanne Otte has had a chance to finally clear her name. I hope she can get back to the private life she so desperately craves.

Cults

#NXIVM: Time for Major Media to Focus On 1)Nursery Schools 2)Mysterious Deaths

FRANK REPORT, Kristin Snyder was reported missing and she was in a lesbian relationship. However, it was reported that she may have been pregnant with Keith Raniere’s child when she went missing. Although her body was never found, her death was ruled a suicide.

While the national news is most focused on the sexual slavery (DOS) division of NXIVM, I have written before about Rainbow Cultural Garden, a chain of daycares/nursery schools that focus on extreme language immersion in a matter recommended by no linguistic or child development expert. The New York Times, if you are reading by some miracle: I think this is something you really need to explore a bit more.

Not only are underage women being recruited for DOS, but apparently Rainbow has recruited women from other countries illegally, who have no teaching degrees to be the teachers at these centers. So there is no confusion here: These women – “nursery teachers” – are also said to be recruited for DOS, servicing Keith Raniere sexually and with menial tasks when they’re not confusing tots by speaking 7 different languages to them simultaneously. This type of “immersion” doesn’t end up working and the children are said to speak in confusing babbles, not to mention have extreme attachment issues with their parents since the daycare hours are exorbitantly long and time with parents is restricted. Also, during the time language teachers work with kids, the parents are instructed not to speak with their offspring. I don’t need to tell you that Keith has no training in child development and there is nothing documented in peer review studies about this ass-backward methodology.

And on the subject of Keith Raniere’s methodologies in general: There have been some suspicious deaths tied to NXIVM. Two top women in the organization reportedly perished quite young of cancer, but like Scientology, Keith’s belief in the power of the mind to cure the body overrode his desire to get these women true medical intervention. In addition to those deaths, one woman who wrote a note about being brainwashed and unable to think, feeling dead inside, went missing and since she was never found, her death was ruled a suicide. Another woman was a victim of statutory rape at the hands of Raniere and after being missing for a while, she was found with a bullet to her head. Although that death was also ruled a suicide rather than a murder, experts say it’s very uncommon for a woman to commit suicide by shooting a bullet through her own head and too many suspicious circumstances preceded her demise. On the night she went missing, some very thin women ranging in age were seen outside her house, presumably they had visited to speak with her. The theory goes that these were Raniere groupies/NXIVM members and lord only know what they said to her. The women were characteristically skinny because NXIVM ladies are reportedly forced to adhere to an 800 calorie a day diet and encouraged to run for exercise.

The treatment of young children and the suspicious deaths connected to NXIVM are something I hope major media will focus on more. The Frank Report by Frank Parlato has a lot more details and information. I encourage you to read his website: FrankReport.com